The Top 10 you don’t want to be in

We are all rude – to someone at some time – or at least we have been perceived that way. Being human usually entails thinking only of oneself on occasion; hence, that’s when someone has thought us rude. Okay, now that we’ve justified our incivility…
Let’s talk about perceptions. Look back 30, 40 or 50 years (sorry, youngsters) and you will see how our actual definitions of rudeness have changed. Working for someone who showed favoritism in hiring or promotions, listening to blonde – Polish – or “the little woman” jokes, and breathing other people’s cigarette smoke in the work place, restaurant or even your own home were all commonplace.
As social and environmental progress is made, we’ve seen our reactions to these behaviors change dramatically. And, yes, many of these situations only evolved via the courtrooms or legislators of our land. Interestingly, however, some things never seem to change.
Johns Hopkins University released results from a study last week – the Terrible Ten Behaviors, which listed as number one: “Discrimination in an employment situation.” Polled were 615 employees and university students in Baltimore. See their press release at www.jhu.edu/news/home07/oct07/civility.html.
Thirty examples of rude behavior were listed on the survey, and respondents were asked to rate each from 1 (not offensive) to 5 (most offensive). Not surprisingly, using cell phones during conversations or meetings made it to the top ten; but, surprisingly it was at the bottom of that list. In fact, misuse of handicapped privileges was two places ahead. While driving anywhere in California, it seems the blue designated parking places are most often the only vacant spots…or is that just my perception?
Back to the number one category – employment discrimination. First of all, the category is vague. Discrimination against one’s age, sexual orientation, race or body shape? Who knows?! We know it can and does happen, but often difficult to prove or redress. Maybe we forget that only one applicant can be granted the open position; could we be upset that we just didn’t get the job? “I’ve been cheated!” Uh-huh.
The next few terrible behaviors have always been perceived as terrible: aggressive or dangerous driving, taking credit for someone else’s work, treating service providers as inferiors. Then we come to jokes or remarks that mock another’s race, gender, age, etc. Many have lost the ability to laugh at these, thank goodness. However, some rude, outspoken media celebrities continue to model this behavior which keeps it alive, unfortunately.
Bullying is number six of these top ten. Our perception of this has begun to change, but we still have a ways to go. It used to be traditional behavior in high school locker rooms or hallways, often instigated by coaches/leaders perhaps. Hazing was an accepted part of the maturing process – until we woke up and noticed the real damage to our quiet, introverted students. Now, we see more violent reactions of some of these mistreated who finally “speak up” - with their parent’s revolver.
Number seven is littering. Yes, it’s a problem, but compare our streets and highways to earlier decades, if you can. Major ad campaigns have helped achieve a major overhaul in many folks’ thinking. Most parents instill this early in their children - as opposed to parents in earlier decades who probably rolled the car window down for us to throw our gum out onto the blacktop. Of course, back then we didn’t even have paper-wrapped foods to eat on the go, thus eliminating much potential litter. Hmmmm.
Remember seeing cigarette butts all over the ground - if you weren’t near an ashtray, which was often part of a room’s furnishings?! Watch any mid-20th century movie and you’re reminded how it used to be - main characters lighting up and puffing through every scene. Has our perception of smoking ever changed! With laws now prohibiting smoking in many public places, this behavior still makes it into the terrible top ten. Unbelieveable.
In fact, while enjoying our local Pumpkinfest downtown last weekend, I struggled for hours to find someone smoking, and I looked hard – especially on the periphery of activities. Only one cigar and one pipe could be seen, together with two cigarettes…pretty amazing.
Now, the final and nefarious cell phone user was very visible at the downtown event just like anyplace - all the time! And I was one of them, admittedly. But in my defense, I found an isolated spot and made it short. If we are walking, talking or spending time with our friends or family, is it rude to take or make a phone call without removing ourselves? In a casual environment, it may be no worse than someone coming up and interrupting our conversation…but in a more formal work or entertainment setting, it has become, deservedly, a major faux pas (though only number 10 on this list). And how many annoying phone rings can there be?!
It would be interesting to see results of a top ten terrible behavior survey fifty years from today. Our perceptions are always changing, along with society’s norms. Hopefully, as our technology and customs evolve, we will continue to think about others and the effect our behavior has on them. The old golden rule still works.