Civility is a choice

It’s the simple things in life that can give great rewards. Forget bouquets and trophies; most of us are grateful for good manners or kind words spoken to us by – anyone.
Feeling worn on a recent Friday afternoon, a few teacher friends and I found ourselves cheering a bit (good food and drink helped, too) as we recalled thoughtful parting comments from our day’s “clients.”
“Several students leaving my classes today stopped to tell me, ‘Have a good weekend, Ms. Warda.’”
Those teens, chatting and chipper, had the anticipation of the upcoming prom stirring in their souls, yet some made the effort to grace their tired old teacher with a positive farewell; they had no idea how much that means. Just when you want to give up, give out or give in – a kind word helps. It is refreshing to see that some parents have modeled good manners to their young.
Humans do not naturally act altruistic; it’s not an instinct for us, I believe. Our species has survived in part due to its cunning and strategy. Kindness doesn’t put you on top of the food chain.
I can post my BP Rules all over my classroom and point to them every day, but that won’t necessarily make students “Be Prompt, Be Prepared, and Be Polite!” But, I can model and mention them – and hope they CHOOSE to obey these Basic Principles.
Civility can win you friends and create harmony, but may not propel you up the career ladder or help you make your first million any quicker. Yet, if you study the psychology of good manners, you find that ego IS what often develops kind natures.
We learn when very young, hopefully, that saying “please” and “thank you” may bring us success. We may get what we want by saying those “magic” words. At least, it increases our odds and usually works on folks when we’re children, anyway.
Admit it – even as adults, we’ve all buttered up somebody of whom we want to ask a favor. Weren’t we taught that you get more by using honey than vinegar? So…being polite is usually good for us. Then, why are there so many doggone rude people in our world?
The big EGO is to blame for that as well. When we think so much of ourselves that we can’t imagine being the other person, we may not treat them as we’d like to be treated. We know the Golden Rule; but a strong sense of self may also prevent us from doing the kind deed or being generous at our expense.
I just finished one of the most entertaining nonfiction books I’ve read in a long time – hands down! It’s called “Talk to the Hand” by Lynne Truss, a British woman with a great sense of humor and wit.
Much of today’s rudeness is because we don’t think of other people; we cannot possibly be polite without consideration of others’ feelings. We all know we can’t give everyone what they want; life’s disappointments are often our reality. But, the importance of the “other” is monumental within society; we are social creatures who must adhere to basic civility or forfeit any possible joy or satisfaction of life on this planet.
Truss discusses many scenarios where civility – or lack of it affects us. At one point, she talks about being kind to retail clerks, especially if they serve you right after another customer has mistreated them. If you try to sympathize, she relates that their response may not be the one you expect because, sadly, many folks in retail can only survive by not noticing or caring about a customer’s rudeness.
“This makes it quite hard to go through the ensuing politeness display without feeling self-conscious, or even quaint. ‘May I please have it wrapped separately?’ you ask, with your smile fading. ‘Thank you, that’s perfect, how kind you are.’ The ground starts to slip from under you, as no validating response comes your way, yet you are powerless to stop being polite and old-fashioned. ‘And what a fine morning, forsooth!’ you exclaim. ‘Ha. By God’s breath, thou hast a cunning way with yon mechanical abacus! Hast thou a quill-pen prithee? Or mayhap I must digitate upon yon artful keypad?’” (Her digression into Shakespearean style is especially witty to Anglophiles!)
Unlike the “old days” where only face-to-face communication existed, we now can be rude to anyone in the world via the internet. When we are faceless and anonymous, there is not the same need to treat people with consideration.
Someone has even proposed a Blogger Code of Conduct, which discourages postings online that we wouldn’t say in person. Check it out on this website - http://radar.oreilly.com/archives/2007/03/call_for_a_blog_1.html
Well, that might eliminate a few…but some mighty rude comments are made everyday to our faces, as well as on blogs, in chat rooms, or on the air by people who have too much ego and not enough basic social graces. Not everyone makes it into the headlines like Don Imus.
Give people their free speech; however, wouldn’t it be nice if we chose to say things which made the world a better place?