Survivors choose their future

“Man is made or unmade by himself. By the right choice he ascends. As a being of power, intelligence, and love, and the lord of his own thoughts, he holds the key to every situation…” ~ James Allen
The Situation. That’s what Spanish writer Arturo Perez-Reverte called it in “The Queen of the South.” Published in 2002 and translated into English in 2004, this book both rocked and fortified me recently. In the first pages, his female protagonist Teresa Mendoza suddenly found herself in what her recently murdered drug-courier boyfriend had called The Situation.
For Teresa, it meant running for her life from drug lords and government agents after her boyfriend was ‘taken out’ – and she not only remained alive, but for the next twelve years gained power and became a legend in that dangerous world. Based on an actual woman who – possibly with her child, may now be in your American neighborhood - in a new ‘situation,’ this novel was illuminating and often inspiring. A young sweetheart is left alone, but somehow takes control of her emotions and thoughts to turn the tables of her life.
Well, she was responsible for injuring, maiming or taking lives to wrangle that control from her enemies, which I can’t admire. However, her indomitable spirit helped her survive the dangerous mine field which had been her boyfriend’s world. She took control, since it was impossible to escape.
More in keeping with Mr. Allen’s quotation above may be a woman from the opposite end of the spectrum – Eleanor Roosevelt. Her life was reputable, documented, nonfiction…and she survived the loss of her husband, President Franklin D. Roosevelt, remaining steadfast and retaining control of her life. Eleanor’s words and actions still motivate women and men today.
As The Situation confronted her, she maintained her strength and bore her mantle well. President Truman appointed her to the United States Delegation to the United Nations General Assembly, remaining there until 1953. She also became chairman of the Human Rights Commission during the drafting of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, adopted in 1948.
She went on to volunteer her services to the American Association for the United Nations and in 1961 was reappointed by President Kennedy to the United States Delegation to the United Nations. He also placed her on the National Advisory Committee of the Peace Corps and chairman of the President's Commission on the Status of Women. Her humanitarian awards were plentiful, plus she had a huge presence in the media, even writing her own syndicated column “My Day” from 1935 nearly up to her death in 1962.
Wow. Now, there’s a widow to learn from. Somewhere between the Queen of the South and the First Lady of the World is me. On a September Saturday morning, I lost my young husband Michael to a sudden massive heart attack after only twelve years together. I reflect this month on the twenty-four years I’ve now lived without him and ponder again his death’s effect on me and my children.
I remember several new girlfriends who also attended college as re-entry students with me after Michael was gone. They were all divorced and didn’t understand how I was making it. I couldn’t relate to their relief to be estranged from their husbands; and they had a dad to send the kids to for an occasional respite. I was on duty 24/7 for my three young children while finishing college to realize my dream of teaching - and supporting us.
Unlike Teresa Mendoza, my life was not dangerous; but the physical, emotional and financial pitfalls were still there. And, unlike Eleanor Roosevelt, my resources were minimal. I would like to think my influence on my two daughters and son has been positive, but we all have our imperfections. Facing The Situation was traumatic and life-changing for us. One moment he’s there – the next, he’s gone.
Making the choices to stay positive, work hard, reminisce fondly, and look forward has ultimately made us stronger human beings, I believe. We take no one – and no days for granted; carpe diem rings a loud bell in our ears.
Unfortunately, writer-philosopher James Allen's life was also brief and his literary career lasted only nine years until his death in 1912. During that period he wrote nineteen books, inspiring hope for readers like me.
In his Foreword of “As a Man Thinketh,” Allen writes his purpose is “to stimulate men and women to the discovery and perception of the truth that ‘They themselves are makers of themselves.’" We choose our thoughts, he says. And our “mind is the master weaver, both of the inner garment of character and the outer garment of circumstance.”
I appreciate Allen's two essential truths: today we are where our thoughts have taken us, and we are the architects - for better or worse - of our futures.